he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
