is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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