it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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