forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
