Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
