nut hugger
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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