the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Blood and glitter go together right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
