is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
