I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
