i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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