you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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