Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
