Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
