oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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