So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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