I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
