So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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