i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
