you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
