Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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