If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
