You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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