He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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