just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
