Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
