the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
