she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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