Please, let me fuck your mom
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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