hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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