I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
