i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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