We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
