I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
