I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
