The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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