The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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