just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
