Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pants are for mortals
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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