She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
