I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
