Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
