I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize