ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
