also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
