she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize