finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
