Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it was like eating out sand paper
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
