it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize