well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
