i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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