My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
