I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
oh god the rape fog is back!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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