Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
