Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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