ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i will never coherently bang her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
