I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
