Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
