Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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