He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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