I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
