Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
