drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
